Being Yourself

Hey everyone,

Wow, this is my second post in a day and there have been times when I've done zero posts in two weeks. This post is about something that gets to me a lot, and recently started getting to me more. You know how you get a lot of quotes on Tumblr or Twitter or whatever which says about 'Hiding ourselves behind a mask'? They're all true, I mean that's what we do. We're never ourselves around people. If you think something nasty, you don't say it and you just push it to the back of your mind. Here's another quote for you: 'When you're wearing a mask all the time, it soon gets hard to breathe'. I found that one online and I loved it.

Basically, here's the problem with me. I can't be me at school because I find it too weird. I mean, you would never see me walk into a school wearing a skirt because that's me. I worry too much about people's opinions. It's the same anywhere in public. I also can't be me at home because my parents don't know about me being Transgender. So if I can't be me in public, and I can't be me in private, where can I be me? That's where my quote comes in; I'm constantly wearing this 'mask' that it's eating away at me. I can never be myself, because of people and their opinions. I can't speak for other people and their 'masks', but for me, wearing that mask all the time starts to kill you inside. It eats away at you like a cancer. I can be me in five years time though, when I finally get the surgery. However, when you're waiting for something to happen, it always seems to go slower. Five years is like five lifetimes.

Here's the other thing. If someone irritates me, I can't say that to them without backlash. It's the same for everybody. Being two faced has become the norm, and because of it we've lost our freedom of speech. We aren't honest to people because again, we care too much about people's opinions. Because we aren't honest, people don't change because they don't think they've annoyed you or upset you. We just can't be honest with people.

These are just two things that are eating away at me. The people closest to me don't know this, but I've had a rough week. A lot happened that I haven't told people but I still kept up a smile. That's what we've all learnt to do right? When you're unhappy, don't show it. That's like the number one rule of my generation.

Love you all,
Ems!